Experts share tips for minimizing irritation and avoiding intrusive questions.. Every Christmas, Gabriel Ronquillo dreads the inevitable questions from well-meaning relatives about when he’s getting married or having children.. “I don’t want to upset my folks by telling off an auntie,” said Mr. Ronquillo, 36, who is Filipino American. In his culture, he said, respect for elders is paramount. So he tries to either politely put up with the questions or to avoid the conversation altogether. Sometimes it works — and sometimes “there’s still a bit of that edgy teenager that comes out,” Mr. Ronquillo said.. Therapists say that at this time of year they often hear from clients about anxiety over such family dynamics. Uncomfortable topics like marriage, children, career choices or personal appearance may come up, said Aparna Sagaram, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of a Philadelphia-based practice focused on culturally sensitive therapy.. While some people might find it easy enough to shut down unwanted questions or comments, “that directness may not be well received” in certain cultures or family structures, said Jenny Wang, a clinical psychologist whose clients include many Asian American women and children of immigrants. “Oftentimes we have to think more strategically and outside of the box.”. She and other experts offered these tips for navigating holiday gatherings.. Prepare yourself — and your family members.. Decide in advance how much time you want to spend with your family, and come up with a plan for arriving and leaving. That will give you a sense of control over your plans, and minimize your stress. “The root of anxiety is feeling out of control,” said Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist.. If you know you will get impatient or irritable after two hours, Dr. Wang said, you could tell your family you’re coming to dinner but meeting a friend afterward for dessert.. We are having trouble retrieving the article content.. Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.. Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.. Thank you for your patience while we verify access.. Already a subscriber? Log in.. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
